Fear consumes me; hoping I don't get punished for something I did, something I didn't do, or for something that wasn't my responsibility to begin with.
I am tired of having a kind heart; feeling as though I have to do everything. I am tired of feeling pressured into being this perfect person I am not. I am tired of my life choices, my uniqueness inside of me being mocked, or deemed not good enough.
I am tired of living like a child, in fear and in hiding from the people who say they love me. From those who say they will help and protect me, but while they extend one hand out to me the other holds a knife.
They wonder why I fear the outside world but if this is how my "home" treats me what can I expect from strangers who do not know me, who do not love me.
Love. A word only humans use. They throw it around to show they care, but the question is: Do they? That word is misused and abused, just as we are. WE are not things, we are not machines. We are people. We have beating hearts that feels just as yours. Can't you see us? We are withing away. We are dying.
The truth is you can't. You can't see past your selfishness, your hate, your greed, your own inflicted misery, to see the people you are tearing apart slowly.
I don't feel wanted. I don't feel safe. I want to run away; but I have no where to go.
I put on a mask. I try so hard to pretend I am okay. I am not okay. That is a lie.
I wake up hoping this is a dream, a nightmare. The sad truth is, this is my reality, a living nightmare. The worse side of me flourishes in this toxic atmosphere. My depression, my anxiety, my craziness just oozes out of me and lashes on the ones that don't deserve it.
Sometimes I cry when I think about the bad person, the evil witch I have become to those who deserve it the least. What happens if they decided to leave me too?
